LPT Request: How a lot of a sacrifice you’re “anticipated” to make for associates?
Is it okay to place your college examination grades in danger for instance to assist a buddy? Is it okay to do one thing that’s comparatively discomforting to you simply to assist your buddy? In fact, I’m speaking about on a regular basis conditions, not some excessive instances the place somebody’s life or property is in danger.
One facet says: In case you are a superb buddy it is best to worth your friendship over a possible lack of one thing.
The sort of particular person is commonly known as folks pleaser.
Different facet says: You should guarantee your individual security and luxury and THEN assist your mates.
The sort of particular person is commonly known as egoist/egocentric man.
Which facet is best? Is the best choice someplace between?
Comments ( 8 )
Under normal circumstances, you should not have to sacrifice something personally important to placate your friend. You should not have to miss a college exam or go to jail or sacrifice $1000…. An inconvenience is expected. Giving a friend a ride to an appointment, watching their cat while their out of town, loaning them $10 for a meal when you go out…
Greater sacrifices depend on the type of friendship you have. I have a friend I’ve known for decades that I would give a kidney. You just need determine how valuable that friend is to you. But, this type of friendship should go both ways. Your friend should sacrifice (or be willing to sacrifice) as much for you, as you for them.
Remove the idea of expectations. You will always be disappointed if you make rules for the behaviors of others.
Personally, I will only sacrifice money and time, which is significant considering I’m poor. However, I’m not sacrificing my goals for anyone. I’m not sacrificing my dreams. I’m not sacrificing my reputation. I’m not sacrificing anything that can do lasting damage and if that makes me shit so be it. More than others do for me. I gave someone $500 and I needed that money. Makes me not even want friends if it’s such a give and take. Just exist and enjoy one another without further responsibility and without toxicity.
You determine how “good” a friend you are. No one else. There are no hard and fast rules. But understand that, in relationships especially, karma does tend to be a bitch. Disregard others at your own peril.
If you can’t save yourself, how can you be expected to save others?
What would you be doing to put your exam grades in jeopardy?
A good friend will help you move, a great friend will help you move a body…
But seriously, look after #1 when you are in one-off situations (e.g. exams) – there’s always family or other friends who can cover those periods of need. Any other time when the sacrifice is just a mild inconvenience and the outcome is easily recoverable, then do so…
A good friend would never ask you to miss your exams to help them out. Look out for #1, and then look out for others. If you don’t take care of yourself, you will never be in the position to help anyone. You are looking at things in back and white, we are living in technicolor my friend.
You don’t need to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
If your friend is expecting you to help at the cost of your own needs, wants or goals then they may not be as good a friend as you thought. A friend should understand that you are your own person too. Friends should be about appreciating, respecting, helping and accepting each other. Obviously there will be times when a situation calls for something different but hopefully you have the history to figure that out together.